


To Build A Home: For You, For Me. (Epilogue)

by CaptainHookness (GhostOpera)



Series: Memories [6]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Grown up!Jack, Should I get therapy?, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 13:19:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4921144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostOpera/pseuds/CaptainHookness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack is grown up, out of university, and Spencer has just turned 52.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Build A Home: For You, For Me. (Epilogue)

_~~Two Months Ago~~_

 

"So, kiddo, what do you think you're going to do now that you're out of university?" asked Spencer as he pat Jack on the shoulder. He smiled best he could, ruffling the black locks of Jack's hair. Just after four years of only seeing Jack at holidays and for birthdays, and the occasional visit to his parents' graves - Jack had changed so much. He looked all too much like Aaron now, and it killed Spencer to see that gorgeous smile on someone who only had an adoptive father and no real parents, nor did he feel like he deserved to see that smile. Not a day went by where he didn't think of Aaron or light the candle on the window ledge; still in hopes that Aaron would find his way home. It had been a decade and a half since he had lost Aaron, but there was still so much guilt and pain that lingered inside of him. Hidden from Jack, of course. He couldn't look weak for his son.

 

'Well, I'm actually moving in with my girlfriend in a few months," Jack replied, giving Spencer a tight hug and smiling, "I'm thinking of proposing to her. Since we've been together for almost five years. And, as for a career, I was thinking I could be in the FBI, like you, Papà." Jack watched Spencer's expression turn into slight panic at the mention of his desired career, "Papà, you can't base everything around Dad. I'll be careful - just like you did."

 

"It's not that I don't want you to be in the FBI, I mean, I'm glad you want to follow in my footsteps, I really am - but I'm just.. You can see why I'm hesitant about it. I'm not going to be the kind of parent that says you're not allowed to do something, and I will support you. Just please, look after your teammates and be aware of everything around you." Spencer smiled weakly, his heart clenching at the thought of Jack being caught in a bad situation like Aaron had been, "I hope to work with you some day." He could always use another  _Hotchner_ on the team - no one was on the team that used to be. Rossi had retired and moved abroad, JJ had gone on to be in the CIA - Derek was still on the team, but about 2 years back, he was almost fatally injured and now is confined to a wheelchair. He only helps from the bureau. Spencer was now Unit Chief. He took Aaron's office and still kept the same couch, desk, and everything else that once belonged to Aaron.

 

~~Present Day (Two months later)~~

 

Spencer finally finished sealing the last of the boxes of Jack's things, laughing to himself as he saw Jack standing in the doorway with a smirk on his face, "I'd help you move, but I'm way too old for this." He sat down on the couch and smiled, "So how is it so far? Finally getting the rest of your things moved in? It's taken you two weeks to get everything you want moved in."

 

"Our apartment is great - you've seen it. Cvetka likes it, of course. She's put a lot of things she got from Serbia in and they're really nice. She's having a lot of fun decorating." Jack looked down at his phone as it buzzed and sighed, "Well, I have to get going. We have plans to go to dinner before she gets back at work, these night shifts are killing her. It was great seeing you, Papà. I love you."

 

"I love you too, Jack," Spencer whispered, "And tell Cvetka I said hello." As he led Jack out the door and waved goodbye one final time before closing the door, he wiped away a few tears. This couldn't happen anymore. Spencer was too tired of crying every time he saw his son - this was not how fathers were supposed to be - adoptive or not. He took a breath and made his way out to the window where the little candle had burnt out. Smiling best he could, Spencer lit one last candle and watched the breeze outside, "I miss you.." he whispered out into the cool autumn air, "And Jack grew up great, I think you would be proud. He wants to follow in our footsteps and everything. You can imagine why I'm a little hesitant about it, too." The genius paused for a moment to wipe his eyes, "God, I miss you.." he sobbed, "I can't take this anymore; Aaron. I can't keep crying every time I see Jack - this is not how a father is supposed to be. I'm tired of feeling like a horrible parent, I'm tired of feeling so alone. I'm so sorry, but I can't do this anymore. Forgive me." 

 

Spencer stood up and hugged himself, heading into his bathroom and starting the shower. He stepped in, not really caring about the cold water. It was a quiet, short shower. Everything felt so empty. With a sigh, Spencer turned off the shower, dried off, changed into his pyjamas and looked at himself in the mirror: his eyes were red, emotionless, as was the rest of his face. He opened the medicine cupboard and grabbed his bottle of sleeping pills. He took a breath before popping the cap and knocking them all back. His heart fluttered at the thought of seeing Aaron again, but ached at the thought of leaving Jack. 

 

As he grew more and more tired, Spencer quickly scribbled down a note for the police to find and give to Jack. It was nothing too terribly long, just long enough to apologise for being a shitty father, to apologise for abandoning him like this, and of course to thank him for being such a wonderful son. He folded the paper neatly and put it on his bedside table, in big red letters instructing to give it to Jack when found. 

 

Spencer laid down in bed, curling up with Aaron's pillow and letting out a shaky, shallow breath, his eyes too heavy to open, "Goodnight, Aaron," he whispered, taking one last shallow breath.

 

 

 

 

__

   _"I'll just take some tea," said Spencer as he sat down at the table and pulled out his book._

_"And I'll take some coffee, just black." Aaron turned and looked over at Spencer and smiled, "Hey, baby," he cooed, "I didn't think you drank tea anymore. You kind of gave that up after a while. After you figured out that coffee kept you awake better - even after you dumped so much sugar into your coffee."_

 

_Spencer could only stare at Aaron, his mouth parted in a silent cry. He wanted Aaron to hold him, to kiss him, to say that everything would be okay and that he was still with him. He wanted to scream and cry at Aaron for leaving him so soon, but nothing could come put of his lips, only the tears that fell down his face. He reached across the table and took his lover's hand, staring at him with wide eyes, "You know.." he finally squeaked out, "We all miss you. Rossi has retired, JJ is in the CIA now.." He reached across the table and took Aaron's hand, his eyes locking with Aaron's with a small smile._

 

_Spencer watched as Aaron stood up and held out his hand, "What are you doing?"_

 

_"Come on, Spencer. Stop babbling.. Let's go watch a movie. Even though we always fought over movies to watch because we couldn't agree on anything, I'll watch whatever you want to." Aaron ran his fingers through Spencer's hair and pulled him close, "Anything you want to watch."_

 

_Spencer smiled and wiped his tears away, "I can't Aaron. I.. I just can't. I'm sorry, I am.. But-." He watched as Aaron went over to the record player and put on some slow, classical music, Erkki Sven-Tüür, to be exact, and held out his hand._

 

_"Then let's dance. You know I always tried to get a dance out of you. Just one.. Before I become nothing but a memory." Aaron stared at Spencer, his eyes soft and loving._

 

_Spencer took a breath, realising that now he could be with Aaron forever now. He took his lover's hand and laid his head on his chest, swaying softly to the music, "Jack looks just like you, you know. With the black hair and everything."_

 

_"I'm sure he does. Haley always told me he would look like me one day," replied Aaron, pulling Spencer into a long, tender, passionate kiss, "I'll be sure to visit soon. With you."_

 

_"I would like that," Spencer whispered, "And you would like his girlfriend. She came over from Serbia."_

 

_"Sounds interesting."_

 

_"Mmhm," replied Spencer, staring up at Aaron and hugging him impossibly tight, "Now.. How about that movie?"_

**Author's Note:**

> That's it for my Memories series! I hope it didn't hurt too bad.


End file.
